Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Zombie Apocalypse

Brandon has been brainwashed.  He thinks there will one day be a zombie apocalypse. And he wants to be prepared.

 Brandon thinks he will be.  Prepared to fight off zombies.  Or become one.  How would this come up in conversation?  Actually, it was discussed somewhat early on in our relationship, when one day I was discussing my after death wishes to be cremated.  His response, "no way will I be cremated- I need to be ready for the zombie apocalypse!" This was news to me- I had no idea we had to prepare for such a thing.  I wasn't even sure I knew what a zombie apocalypse was!
He informed me on how zombies will, one day, rule the Earth and his body needs to be ready to become a zombie.  He doesn't want to be left out.  Sometimes if I really want to annoy him, I'll tell him that I'm going to ignore his will and cremate him so there is no chance of Brandon zombie.  I can't imagine.  Human Brandon is all this world can take.

Somehow, zombies tend to come up a lot in our house (apartment, whatever).  We watch "The Walking Dead" on AMC so following an episode there is always some kind of talk about the accurateness (or lack of) during the show, what his plan is to attack zombies, the most effective ways to take on zombies and my necessary steps (step 1: drop all your emotional attachments to people, they aren't human anymore).  I get the notion he's a lot more serious about the subject than our discussions suggest.  I, on the other hand, know the sheer ridiculousness and that zombies will not ever rule our world.  Just as unicorns won't.  Nor will Bigfoot.
So, Brandon has a plan to take on the zombies which includes not using guns (which are too noisy and would attract other zombies), instead using long range weapons which allow him to shoot the zombies silently from further distances.  I thought perhaps this would be useful:
But, Brandon says the knife is too close range weapon.  So, I'll scratch that off his birthday list I guess.

Then they die and drip onto the caterpillars below
First the virus takes over the caterpillar
The other day, he texted me from work and said, "scientists discovered a virus in a certain type of caterpillar that essentially makes them a puppet to the virus."  To which I replied, "that's pretty awesome"  I think he was appalled by my excitement of a puppeting virus because his next comment was, "That shit is literally one step away from zombie caterpillars!  Zombie apocalypse if just a species jump away.  I'm gonna survive it.  That shit's scary.  All the major sicknesses these days come from animals jumping species" 

You can find the link to the story here

Why can't all caterpillars just be drug smoking ones like from Alice in Wonderland? 
He was very distraught but interested in the zombie caterpillars and found out there are a few other species who have "zombiefied": mice, cockroaches, ants, crabs, grasshoppers etc.  This, of course,
sparked another conversation about being prepared for the zombie apocalypse.  I should probably be getting myself ready for the zombie apocalypse now...

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