Monday, 6 February 2012

Dear World of Warcraft

"Wasting lives since 1994"

I write to you, World of Warcraft, in regards to my lovely, wonderful boyfriend, Brandon.  You know him well, he visits you each and every day for hours on end- usually the greater portion of the day, in fact.  Firstly, I'd like to ask you to take care of him.  If you see that he isn't eating, sleeping or otherwise taking care of himself, can you please crash the server or freeze your game?  I just want to make sure he stays alive and well if he's going to be playing you for the hours and days he inevitably does.

Second, could you just make him a level 85 already?  He says he's just trying to get to level 85 and then he won't play you as much.  I don't see this as being true, but it's worth a shot!  So, if you could just expedite the process, well that would be wonderful.

Because I am pretty sure Brandon won't stop playing you for quite some time, I'd like to make a suggestion to you on behalf of all gamer's girlfriends out there: I think you should create mandatory break periods.  All players should be mandated to break for at least 15 minutes every hour.  During this break, gamers should be suggested to eat, pee, speak to their girlfriends, cook a meal, call other family members or perhaps stand up and do some kind of physical activity.  During play they should also be reminded to sit up straight and adjust their posture to proper sitting position.  These are merely suggestions, World of Warcraft.  Can I call you WoW?  I feel like with the amount of time you spend with my boyfriend, we're fairly close through only a degree of separation.

Have you ever noticed how every other activity your players do is rushed, just so they can get back to playing your game?  I see this behaviour in Brandon when eating, talking to me, cooking, watching movies... basically any task or activity set in front of him other than you.  Just let him know you'll still be there when he eventually does return.  That you won't have picked up and left, crashed or disappeared.  I suspect you'll (unfortunately) be around for a very long time.

Wow, why do you make your quests and levels so long and complicated?  From your creators' stance I suppose it's so people spend lots of time, energy and money on you.  And while I support that from a business standpoint, do they not have families who want to see them and talk to them every once in a while?  Oh.  No?  Hmmmm.... ok.  Well, I'd like to talk to Brandon some more- without you making noises and trying to gather his attention in the background.

Listen Wow, I'm sure you've got your place in the world.  I'm sure you've got to have some kind of goodness to you.  Somewhere.  But I can't find it.  I don't intend to be mean, just asking for some cooperation.  It's hardly fair that you insist on taking up ALL of Brandon's spare time.  Can I please have Brandon back?  Please?

Kind regards,


P.S. I thought you may enjoy this video from YouTube showing examples of what your players say to us, patient and understanding, girlfriends.

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