Today I Learned...

(I'm such a liar at the "Today I Learned" segments- I rarely learn these things that same day I'm writing, I should rename is "Recently I Learned")


That social media enables women to act crazy when they first begin to date a man.  And that most women in this day in age of social media, all act the same when they first start dating a boy.  This post, boys, is for you.  It goes a little something like this:

Me with my first computer

When we (I'm going to generalize us women here) go on our first date with you, we may, or may not, have added you to Facebook, followed you on Twitter, friended you on FourSquare, followed you on Pinterest (if you have it) or added you to my circle in Google+.  I'd say I would have checked out your MySpace page, but that was so 5 years ago!  Who knows, if I'm really interested I may check out your YouTube channel or your favourites to see what's going on there.  Basically in a nut shell, we'll have tracked you down in every possible way via the Internet.  If we can't find you on any of the more popular social media platforms we may ask you a question such as, "so weird, I was looking for my friend Joe Smith on Facebook the other day, and thought 'oh I should look up (insert man of interest's name here) while I'm online so we can be friends, but I couldn't find you.  It was probably just me, because you have Facebook right?"  This is our nonchalant way of asking you while trying to seem not quite interested (because clearly we didn't go online looking for you!) but just interested enough so you know we're into you.  If we're lucky enough, you don't have a private profile so we can see all your "dets" without adding you as a friend prematurely thus freaking you out.  We want to avoid this, and instead of, you know, NOT checking you out online, we just do it as covertly as possible.

Once we have found your online presence, we are going to scour your pages! And I mean, potentially, hours of time spent.  We always think we're going to find important information there- we're looking for likes/dislikes, exes, your posts, your friends and just generally what you're saying.  More specifically, have you mentioned me?  If we do find your exes, expect that we'll try to check them out as much as we can.  What do they look like?  What do they do?  What are their interests?  How did you guys converse?  And by no fault of theirs (or yours) we'll likely hate them immediately.  And in turn hate everything they like and try to never bring things like that up in our conversations.  When talking to our friends we'll find ourselves saying things like, "can you believe she had a cat?!  haha a cat!  What kind of people like cats? ugh".  (Then we'll give our mom's cat away.)

There are going to be things we see on your profile(s) we want to bring up to you, but don't really know how without showing you that we obviously spent hours researching you and your walls.  Posts like, "just graduated from high school and totally had a wicked time with that chick I met the other day".  Clearly, this post is at least (in my case) 7-10 years old.  Which means I have literally spent hours scrolling and reading through your wall.  How can I possibly bring up this "fun" event and discuss it with you without letting you know what I've done (which I know is excessive and, in essence, wrong)?

The answer is I can't.

But I will still call my friends and tell them the situation and ask them what to do.  I'll get one of two responses.  One is honest and the other isn't.  The first is the dishonest one, with the friend who wants to pretend she's better than me- or at least better than my behaviour- "OMG! you did what?  you're obsessed.  The answer is to stop doing this, and never mention it to him- ever!"  Ya, ok friend.  Thanks for the obvious advice.  We all know we shouldn't do this, but we all know we will anyway!

The second friend is going to try and be helpful.  We will keep calling friends until we find the "helpful" friend.  She's going to say something like, "haha you're crazy. OK, here's what you do... first start casually talking about highschool..."  She'll probably suggest asking you questions and hope that you open up with the story.  This never happens, or works- you guys never remember nor think to tell us about your old stories.  And although we know that, we're still going to try it anyway.  And you may react oddly and start to think we're crazy.  When this happens we'll simply laugh and brush it off, yet obsess about it for the rest of the night.  Most times, we will never get to the bottom of your mystery post.

Once we are more stably dating you, we will start posting "cute" things on your wall.  This is to achieve one of two (maybe both) things.  One: to show you we are truly interested in you and want you to know we're thinking about you.  Two: to show all the other people (read: women) who are perusing your wall(s), that we're dating you.  Basically, we're peeing on you (or your wall, I guess) to mark our territory.  But we'll deny this to the end of our relationship if anyone ever confronts us on it, and we'll just say it was option one.

We will also post things on our own wall(s) to try and elicit a reaction from you, or just get your attention in general.  Things we like will become more evident, in hopes you'll strike up a conversation about it next time we talk.  Or we may post about something you like, hoping you'll comment on it online- or offline.

what guys think we look like while on our computers

Basically what I'm saying here, is that women get crazy when we start to date someone.  And with social media paving the way to make it a smooth and easy ride for us, it's just going to get worse!

(Brandon, in case you're reading this... I never did these things.  Well, not really.)
Hold on, I'll be right back, gotta go tweet about this antique desk I just saw in hopes Brandon will notice it...

Today I Learned...

...my fiancé is preparing for any sort of emergency.  (Actually it was yesterday and last night, but those details don't matter.)

We all remember this post about his belief in the zombie apocalypse, right? Well, he has decided to make his summer hobby preparing an emergency "grab bag". I'm sure I've completely used the wrong wording and will be chastised for it tonight when I get home for work.

Of course, I have been recruited to help out, which I am happy to do. I have made a request for my survival items to be pink- Brandon says this is not happening and that it's impractical. Whatever- its cute! I want to look into my survival bag (in the event of an emergency) and have some enjoyment. I also requested a book, because, shit, if there is a zombie apocalypse or other crazy potentially life ending emergency, I'm going to need something to do.
What? You don't expect that I will be out hunting, do you? Oh no... In the event that things get all "Walking Dead" around here, I believe it's safe to assume we all revert back to old style gender roles. Brandon hunts, I'll work on some gathering and cooking. 

We will, however, need a third person to be our lookout while we are busy. I think we should start taking applications now, you know, so we're prepared for such an event.
Requirements of this person are:

• we like you enough to keep you in our group, and alive in general
• you must have good eyesight (won't be having you shoot anything/anyone who isn't meant to be shot (do you know what that can do to a group?)
• must be fit enough to run quickly to get away from danger- of course we will accept applications from those in wheelchairs, please just ensure you have an all-terrain chair ready for such event.
• must possess own emergency bag of supplies (as we aren't sharing ours), if you don't have one, don't expect charity from us
• prefer single person- extra people such as significant others or children just get in the way of doing your job
• a good familiarity with the Toronto area- to help us get to stores for looting and safe places for hiding

Please note, this is an unpaid position as we will be struggling to stay alive and won't have spare cash to be throwing around.

Today I Learned...

...time flies (even though in the moments it seems to drag by)!

My adorable dear horse, Sophie, had a vet appointment today for her annual vaccines and health check and while I was there I realized today is her 5th birthday!  FIVE!  How did that happen?!  I'm pretty sure it was just last year I watched her breeder unload her from the trailer and she whinnied over to me in her small, awkward body.  Yet, the math tells me- she's 5.  My baby is growing up.

Then I thought about how awful it would be to have to go to the doctor on your birthday.  Thank goodness horses don't actually know it's their birthday, or I would have had a very whiney and upset horse.

Today I Learned...

... that my tasty friend, yogurt, is made of milk bacteria! Ummm ewww!  (That's a lie, I learned this yesterday)

But even so, am I the only one who didn't know yogurt- a supposedly nutritional and yummy breakfast and snack item- is made from the bacteria from milk?

... AND, that your friendly campfire sidekick- marshmallows- are partially made from ground up animal bones!!  What is this world coming to?!  And how didn't I know these things prior to 24 hours ago?

I think my closest friends and family knew how disgusted I would be, and decided to hide this information from me.  But, somehow it's been leaked and now I must decide whether I can go on enjoying these snacks or if by the sheer fact that I now know what they're made of means I can no longer eat them. 
Sort of like when you're a kid and you find out what hotdogs are made of.  I remember distinctly the girl in grade 3 who told me.  I'm pretty sure she did it to ruin my life.  And I'll admit for maybe a year I did my best to stay away from hotdogs.  But jokes on you, grade 3 witch, I've come to terms with leftover meats being ground together to form a sausage mimicked food for my consumption!

Today I Learned...

My dog has an addiction to socks and dish towels.

Tonight Jai came back from a few days escape from the apartment.  Of course, Hudson went crazy.  My dog is in love with Jaisun.  I fear in a match between he and I, he would win the favourite contest.  (But I don't tell him, nor acknowledge that) Anyhow, Hudson was waiting patiently outside Jai's bedroom door for him to exit the room, which eventually he did.  At which time Hudson resumed his love fest.  (Barf.)  While Jai was in the bathroom- Hudson got so excited he ran into my bedroom, grabbed my balled up pair of work socks, ran back out into the living room, dropped said socks on his bed in the corner then dropped his large-ass self in front of me.  Looking up at me with guilty eyes, Hudson knew he had done wrong.  Again.

Of course, he got in trouble and whimpered to himself, hoping when Jai exited the washroom he would surely join him in the pity party.  What Hudson didn't expect, was that he was still in trouble.  Thus meaning, would not be allowed to get up and love up Jai like normal.  This prompted Jai to ask why- so I explained.  And this is when I realized, actually was educated, that my dog has an addiction.  An addiction to stealing (and sometimes consuming) socks.  Jai seems to think it's a cry for help, the dropping of the socks and then immediate surrender of himself.  He knows he's doing wrong, and openly admits it.  So why, Hudson, why do you take socks?  And why eat them?

Hudson has become so well known for his sock thievery, his food dish is customized with his name and a pair of socks, and his hand made ornament I made for Christmas, also has Hudson adorning a sock between his paws.

I'm thinking of starting a support group.  If you know of anyone with a similar sock "issue", let me know and we can enroll them in the 9 step recovery program.  Only, 3 easy payments of $19.95!!

Photo credit: Tim Bannister

Today I Learned...

I don't like living alone.

I knew when Brandon got a job back near his home town (which is really only a 35 minute drive away), that he wouldn't be here as much as I was used to.  He would be staying with his parents, to make the commute shorter and the gas costs, well, not his problem.  But I didn't realize the new place he got hired would decide to schedule him full 40 hour weeks!  It's great for our finances, but not so great for our time spent together.  Which is nill!  I can't afford to drive back and forth, plus I have work right around the corner from where we are supposed to live.  So I guess, for now, we work it out and learn how to adjust to not seeing each other quite as much.

I'm sure it's all corny and mushy, but there hasn't been any length of time longer than 48 hours in the last two years that we haven't spent time together.  I'm used to having him around.  Even if it is leaving his dish towel on the couch, playing video games all day, or stacking his clean laundry in the dirty laundry basket.  I've become somewhat accustomed to that all.  (Not that I want him to continue those habits when he returns any more than I did prior!)

There will be good points to it I'm sure, like watching anything I want on TV.  Watching chick flicks when I feel necessary.  Being just me, I get to make all my decisions alone now.  You know, the super important ones like, "what should I eat for dinner?" and "does this shirt fit right on me?"  No longer will I receive the professional input from my man.  I suppose I could still pass those decisions by him, in hopes of things seeming normal again.  But maybe, I'll try to make those decisions all on my own.  Like a big girl. Nah... I don't want to be a big girl.

Today I Learned...

... when poop becomes important.

Over the past couple of weeks, Hudson has been sick on and off.  We're not sure if he's allergic to his food, or maybe ate something he shouldn't have (big surprise).  But whatever it was- he was sick.  Poor dog had diarrhea.  Poor us had to get up multiple times per night to take him outside for him to hunker around.  It was sad...and annoying.

So, once we got him feeling better I realized I was monitoring his poop.  I was watching for how often he pooped and what his poop looked like.  This is the day I realized when poop becomes important.  I can't say it was a good day- just interesting.

amazon.com

Today I Learned...

... that I have similar qualities to Sally, from the live action movie Cat in the Hat.

 

We meet Sally at the beginning of the movie, using her PDA to make her to-do list: 

"Today's to-do list.

Number one:

Make to-do list.

Number two:

Practice colouring.

Number three: 

Research graduate schools.

Number four:
Be spontaneous.

Number five:
Create lasting childhood memories.
 
And number six: Amend will."

Watching her brother tear apart the kitchen...

"What is he doing?"

[SIGH]

Number ten:
Make tomorrow's to-do list.

After watching her brother compose a contraption to go sliding down the stairs she says,
"Do you know how hard it's getting to tell people that we're related?"

This sounded all too familiar to Brandon and I.  Just as I was about to say that I admired this young girl for her organization and dedication Brandon pipes in with, "She's you!"  Is it wrong that his comment made me smile?

Either way- I'm thinking of doing my hair like hers.  She's pretty cute, maybe I can achieve that cuteness too?

Today I Learned...

... about shower etiquette.

I enjoy my shower.  Most days I ensure I have at least 30 minutes to shower.  I know, this is an astoundingly long amount of time to be in the shower, right?  But I race around nearly all day, and there's something about steaming hot water scalding my skin that I feel is relaxing.  That description to most would sound like a torture scene, but for me it's bliss.  So I often will stand there and enjoy the water beating down on me.

Brandon takes very concise showers.  About 7-12 minutes and he's already out.  How do you possibly get yourself clean, relaxed and whatnot in that short amount of time?  He rebuttals back that he's not sure why it could possibly take me 30 minutes to shower.  Alright, I can admit to that being a tad long.  Regardless, enjoyable.

The other day we showered together.  And this opened up a whole new world of showering I knew existed but had only ever heard of, and not experienced, prior to this.

The Brandon shower:
Drop clothes all over floor, toss towel on toilet.  Turn on water (wait for some warm water- and look at self in mirror)  Get into the shower and don't fully wrap shower curtain around the tub which allows some water to splash about- sometimes on the floor.  Get right down to business.  Scrub shampoo in hair- rinse.  Scrub conditioner in hair- rinse.  Thoroughly scrub body all over with loofa and body wash- rinse.  Blow nose into hands-rinse.

I even think he may have taken longer in the shower because I was in there.  He did wash my hair (don't you LOVE when someone else washes your hair and scrubs your head?!  I do!).  Our shower is small- so there was a lot of maneuvering back and forth to use the water (which was not scalding hot).  This meant a lot of times our bodies touching the cold tiles of the shower- eww.  After a few bum slaps and boob grabs Brandon was done and left the shower.  This was my time to turn the water temperature way up- WAY up!

The Shannon shower:
Stand under scalding water, enjoying the so hot it gives me goosebumps feeling.  Normally I would have washed my hair following a few minutes of standing.  But Brandon had already done this for me.  Notice the random hairs on the shower tiled wall- think about cleaning bathroom after shower.  Soap up loofa with sweet smelling body wash and scrub-often becoming distracted by some thought of what I need to do today or add something else onto my to-do list.  Grab conditioner from shelf and lather into my hair.  Stand away from shower head to ensure hair isn't getting wet, but angle my body towards the stream of water to ensure I don't get cold.  Hang around until 2-5 minutes of conditioner instructed time has elapsed- rinse.  Use face wash and probably body wash again.  Lather up legs with shaving gel- shave necessary areas.  Rinse body. 

Here's the part Brandon absolutely hates- I brush my teeth...in the shower.  I personally, don't think it's that weird.  I understand it's not the socially decided way or location of brushing your teeth.  But let's think about this logically.  You're in the shower and you have to brush your teeth when you get out.  Often you'll end up with toothpaste on your face from brushing too vigorously anyway- then you have to use a washcloth or something to wipe your face.  Do it my way- and you can just turn around and rinse your face.  I'd also like to clarify that it's not like I spit on my feet!  I spit towards the drain and the water washes it away.  I don't think it's that weird- I feel it saves me time and maybe in some backwards way- water too.  I am a eco-warrior after all!

Anywhoozle, point is- men and women shower very differently.  And I'm glad I'm a woman so I get long showers to enjoy the scalding water beating on my skin!

Today I Learned

A new segment for this blog I'm creating is called, Today I Learned.  This segment could include any topic of things I learned about....well today.  Or whatever day it happens to be.

I'll begin with one about Brandon's video game, Skyrim.
Today I learned... that Brandon's character in Skyrim can save trees from death, nay, can bring trees back to life!

A little bit of back story: this tree which sits in the middle of the village was dead.  The saving of the tree involved many hours of weapon recovery, tapping of sap from another tree... you know, the usual tree saving practices!