Parenting Advice for Kim & Kanye

If you haven't heard the news about Kanye and Kim, then their celebrity spotlight stint didn't work very well for them. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are pregnant. Well, technically it's Kim who's preggers, but he's (supposedly) the father.

            The results are in...and Kanye, you.... ARE the father!

We feel the same way Kanye.

In an effort to try and help a brotha' out (I'm honing in on my black side here), I thought I'd write down some tips to both Kanye and Kim about what they should and shouldn't teach their baby. Based on previous escapades, of course.

We know you're crazy Kim

• You may up your street cred, but not your fan following, when you upstage someone and steal a microphone when they're accepting an award. Apologies that follow may be seen as forced celebrity manager "parenting".
• Creating a show with all your family could make you famous...for simply doing nothing. However, as you gain popularity you also lose respect. 
• Thinking you're great, and actually being great are very different. Make sure you choose the right option.
• Sex tapes are never a good idea! But they do make your name a common one in the household.
• People will laugh at you if you dare to compare Coldplay to The Beatles, stating Coldplay is just as good, or better, than The Beatles.  
• Defaulting to a fashion "career" is only a good idea if you've gained all those sheep fans
• Twitter can emphasize just how stupid you are- so be careful.
• Don't get married (for the 2nd time) for it only to last 72 days. Because then you meet your baby-daddy and things get messy. It has publicity stunt failure written all over it!
• K's are a popular letter in our families- get used to it
• If you become famous, don't lie about things like your sister's paternity or tweets you've sent... Or just anything in general. 
• Don't be friends with other airhead heiresses
• You can sing about it, but just know...not everyone is a gold digger.
• Lots of perfume lines won't make you seem more upscale...you'll just smell really strongly
• Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut... In all aspects.

"Do you think they know how ridiculous we really are?"

Fake boobs are better than fake people

I think fake boobs, and their approval by people, depend on the generation and particular person you are speaking to. For example, ask a baby boomer who is now a mother and I would argue most of them would say they disapprove of fake boobs. But ask people currently in their mid-late 20s (what are we? Generation X? Y? ...some letter), and I think you'd find more acceptance.

I, for example, am fine with fake boobs, and would even consider getting them myself. There are many reasons women get fake boobs, from pure cosmetic to reconstruction following a medical procedure. And who cares as long as the woman got to decide for herself that it's something she wanted to do.

This brings me to the next portion of my post- fake people. You know them. You may work with them, or go to school with them.  Hell- they may even be part of your friends or family. They are everywhere, and inevitably we will meet them at some point in our lives. They laugh at every joke ever told to them (regardless of the humorous content)... "hahaha oh to get to the other side?! That's a thigh slapper!" they complement everyone on the same things "Joe your shoes are awesome! Hey Sue great shoes!" (for those of you who do this- it erases all sense of genuinity), they seem too happy (because secretly they aren't) "today while walking to work I slipped and broke my leg in 3 places- but that's ok, because I don't really like using my legs anyway".

This may sound very negative, but it's also very true. I would rather meet someone who is genuine and maybe not quite as happy-go-lucky, with unicorns shooting out of their asses. The person who can be realistic and still happy is the person that is most genuine. I'm not disputing there aren't many genuinely happy people, and that some of them can find happiness in any situation. I'm just saying those that are clearly fake... annoy the crap out of me. Plus fake people don't tend to have the same "bounce" that fake boobs have.

Thus fake boobs... Better than fake people!