Monday, 30 July 2012

Open Letter to @Twitter

Dear Twitter,

I recall when you first emerged on the #social networking scene, I was a newly @Facebook dumper.  That's right, I had quit @Facebook.  You had no use to me.  I thought you were just @Facebook status updates in disguise.  I resisted you @Twitter.  But now I've come to say #I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have fought the urge to join your forces and update people within 140 characters or less every few minutes.

I am #happy to say, @Twitter, that I am now a happy member of your fleet.  I frequently broadcast my thoughts to the #world... ok my 40 followers (as long as no one has unfollowed me...#sad), and read all about others' updates to their life, or funny thoughts- oft stolen from other people they follow on @Twitter that don't follow them back so wouldn't know they stole their material.  I know this happens, because sometimes I'm following both of those people.  (you copycats aren't #clever)

So now @Twitter...I'm addicted.  I check you all the time.  At work.  At home.  In the car ("totally my bad, I was sending a tweet").  When I'm peeing.  While I'm walking my dog.  In meetings.  @Twitter you are my bitch lover! (#Wedding Crashers)

While I realize I have completely contorted into what you want me to be, I want you to know I'm still my own person @Twitter.  I still think regular thoughts...additional to the thoughts that I think "this would be good for Twitter".  I still send text messages.  I still take pictures without applying an #Instagram filter and selecting the @Twitter posting option...sometimes, ok not really.

@Twitter, you connect me to people who I would never really talk to.  Mostly because they are famous and they wouldn't know who I am... ok fine!  They still don't know who I am!  But sometimes they #retweet me! OMG!  Someone who makes lots of money, somewhere in the world, that I know, but doesn't know me... retweeted my thought.  @Twitter thank you for allowing this to happen.  Thank you for this ray of sunshine in my life.

@Twitter, here it is in a nut shell: #I love you.  Now listen, before you go getting all excited and stuff- I'm #engaged.  Happily engaged.  And I won't go messing things up just because you've whored yourself out to me.  Nope.  I've got resistance and #will power.  I won't let you further into my life @Twitter.  So sometimes I forget I'm not on @Twitter when I'm writing and I misuse hash tags and @ what. Right?

@Twitter- can you feel the love tonight?  You are so beautiful to me!  And all my life, I've prayed for someone like you.  So, have I told you lately- that I love you?  I'll be there for you, when you need somebody.  Because I will always love you.


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