Toronto Wildlife Are Fearless

On my walk to work everyday I see wildlife. Well, I use that term loosely because when I think of wildlife (from my time spent on farms, in the country and even in the ravine of my hometown) I think of coyotes, deer etc.. This wildlife consists of pigeons and squirrels mostly.

But I have started to realize, these animals are fearless! Just like all the other residents walking the streets, they don't move over for anyone! I think I played an unknowing game of chicken with a pigeon the other day. He totally won. Because I was afraid of what he could do to me if I didn't move. Have you seen those beaks? Those talons?! My side satchel and ballerina flats are no match to him.

The pigeons shuffle about the sidewalk and the squirrels rise up on their hind legs watching intently as people pass by.  Come to think of it, maybe they're just lazy?

Modern Day Issues

Nowadays we have new struggles and they can be even more dire than B.T. (before technology). The biggest, and quite possibly the scariest, yet easiest mistake to make, is the accidental email or text. 

Let me explain. 


You're super pissed off with your friend and you heed your mother's advice and decide to write her a note. Except previously our parent's would have actually written the note. You know, with a pen and paper.
If you're young enough you'll know these items as ones you see in the movies, when they do a flashback. Or perhaps you've used a pen when signing a cheque.... nah you probably don't do that either.

Anyhow, instead of writing this note of frustration, you type it. Hitting each key with such force and conviction hoping your emotion is seeping through the screen. Except just like when our parens did such things, you never actually plan to send it. You're just writing it to make yourself feel better. You finish up, and just as you begin to feel better about the situaion, it happens. You hit the send button. All it took was one slight miss with a keystroke and it was done. Letter sent. A letter you never intended that friend to see, where you talk about her ugly dog and stupid neighbourhood, maybe her disfunctional family. Saying all the things you've ever thought, but would never dare say to her, or even out loud for that matter.

This particular situation hasn't happened to me, but I have sent some emails and texts too soon, or to the wrong person. One of my worst offences was when an old boss of mine called in sick...for the kagillionith (that's a number, right?) time. Fed up with the lack of leadership and sense of responsibility, I decided to text Jeff (my co-manager) about the surprise I felt inside when I received her phone call. However, you see, Jeff's name was directly above Jen's... aka my boss. And so as I typed out my message, "Surprise! she's sick again!" and then sent it, I was feeling grand about my snide remark that was likely to give Jeff a bit of a chuckle. So imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from Jen shortly following the sending of the message. 

"Oh hey Jen- what's going on?
Is that some kid of joke, Shannon?
I'm confused- joke? huh?
Shannon, the text message you sent me."

OH SHIT! 

I quickly check my phone and YUP, I sure did send that bitchy text to Jen instead of Jeff. Trying to come up with any sort of excuse was a failed attempt, because I wasn't prepared. Not that I would pride myself on lying, but really how do you manage your way out of that one? The answer is, you don't. You try to save face as much as possible and realize that your boss may have some trust issues with you in the future, and it's probably for the best if you move onto another job in the near future. Yes, that's exactly what I did. Not just because of that situation, but I wouldnt lie to you and tell you it didn't have some bearing on the decision. 

So, while we think we can all hide behind our computer and phone screens, just make sure you can back up any comments you may want to make. And as a smart individual always warned me, never print, type or write anything you don't want to see in tomorrow's newspaper headlines. Because you never know who could see it and decide to pass it along. Oh and youngins', a newspaper is this large printed thin paper that you read the news off of. You know, prior to the computer screen. 

And now I'm back- from outer space

Sup everyone?

Where have you been? I've missed you! Sorry for the extended absence, between planning the wedding, moving and getting our lives settled I've been crazy busy. Excuses aside, I was inspired and requested by someone to continue on with this blog. 

So what have you been up to? 

We've got our wedding all planned and ready to go for June. So you know, that's fun. And since this post where we had thought we made a decision to move to Fort Erie, well plans changed. Kinda drastically. We realized at this point we aren't financially prepared to be taking on a mortgage. Nor did we want to be that far away from our friends and family. And when we really sat down to discuss it, we wanted to be in Toronto. But downtown, none of this uptown business. Right in the thick of it. So we found a place in a great area where we are close to all shops and restaurants and most importantly, the subway is mere moments away. I's wonderfully convenient. So we're selling the car and doing the transit shuffle. I'm loving it! (sung to the tune of McDonald's similarly plagiarized jingle)

I've been here, with Hudson (whatup Hudson!), for about a month now and thriving. Working at a new store location, and currently working on getting my business up and running I'm thoroughly enjoying my new place. Not just the surroundings, but I'm really happy with the unit. Technically its a basement apartment, but it really doesnt feel much like a basement at all. 

Brandon is currently waiting for his work to transfer him to a store nearby, so he goes back and forth between our place in Toronto and his parrents'. It sucks and the nights can be lonely sometimes, but I know its only short term. It better only be short term. 'Cause I didn't sign up to be living alone. Get your butt down here, Brandon! 

Other than that, not much is new in our usual rockstar-inspired lives. We have a family vacation planned for the beginning of May- headed to Florida for some fun and sun. So we're looking forward to that and then it's basically just a month until the wedding. Things are flying by fast, but we have our seatbelts securely fastened and we're ready!

I'm hoping I can get back into the swing of writing posts on here, because I missed it- I missed y'all. (all 15 of you that read this, anyway) So stay tuned for some fun stories, Toronto living hijinxs and some rants about all these people downtown. You know I'm bound to run into some crazy people! :)

Overextended Holiday Decor

It's February everyone! Why are there still people in the neighbourhoods who continue to display their Christmas/holiday decor? Lights, wreaths, ribbons, window decals, poinsettias.... The list goes on. Don't think you're fooling anyone just because you're curtains are partially closed. Or that because your house isn't the first seen on the street. We all see how lazy you are to not have taken down your decorations.

Soon we'll be onto a new "holiday"- Valentine's Day. Are you going to tell me your red Christmas lights are for Valentine's Day? If so, I know you're lying. Don't try to pull that one over on me.

So a note to all you people who keep yourChristmas lights up all year- it doesn't just fit into your home and become invisible. I know you'd like to think it does.

So please, people of the surrounding neighbourhoods, take down your Christmas decorations both inside and out and move on to the new year with other great holidays.

Parenting Advice for Kim & Kanye

If you haven't heard the news about Kanye and Kim, then their celebrity spotlight stint didn't work very well for them. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are pregnant. Well, technically it's Kim who's preggers, but he's (supposedly) the father.

            The results are in...and Kanye, you.... ARE the father!

We feel the same way Kanye.

In an effort to try and help a brotha' out (I'm honing in on my black side here), I thought I'd write down some tips to both Kanye and Kim about what they should and shouldn't teach their baby. Based on previous escapades, of course.

We know you're crazy Kim

• You may up your street cred, but not your fan following, when you upstage someone and steal a microphone when they're accepting an award. Apologies that follow may be seen as forced celebrity manager "parenting".
• Creating a show with all your family could make you famous...for simply doing nothing. However, as you gain popularity you also lose respect. 
• Thinking you're great, and actually being great are very different. Make sure you choose the right option.
• Sex tapes are never a good idea! But they do make your name a common one in the household.
• People will laugh at you if you dare to compare Coldplay to The Beatles, stating Coldplay is just as good, or better, than The Beatles.  
• Defaulting to a fashion "career" is only a good idea if you've gained all those sheep fans
• Twitter can emphasize just how stupid you are- so be careful.
• Don't get married (for the 2nd time) for it only to last 72 days. Because then you meet your baby-daddy and things get messy. It has publicity stunt failure written all over it!
• K's are a popular letter in our families- get used to it
• If you become famous, don't lie about things like your sister's paternity or tweets you've sent... Or just anything in general. 
• Don't be friends with other airhead heiresses
• You can sing about it, but just know...not everyone is a gold digger.
• Lots of perfume lines won't make you seem more upscale...you'll just smell really strongly
• Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut... In all aspects.

"Do you think they know how ridiculous we really are?"

A Doctor Office Adventure

What do you do while in the doctors office?
   
    I'll tell you what I do. I check the waxy paper on the "table" you sit on. Firstly, has no one informed doctors all our lives we've been told not to sit or lay on tables? Because that's confusing as shit as a kid. But you've got to check that paper to make sure the last person didn't soil it at all. I don't necessarily mean bodily fluid soil, I just mean in general. After I've decided it's safe to park my keister on the table, I scan the room. Have they put up any new medically informing posters since last I was here? I pretend to read them and retain the information, but I know I've read this one about being see through and detecting Colon cancer before and yet everytime I think to myself "you're right it would be much easier to spot it!", as if it's new information to me.

       The medical information posters are much the same as the medical tv commercials. They showcase someone being very upset or sick, they truly pick the worst actors for these things, cause I don't believe it. Then they give you a diagram of the affected area with some strong visual to show you it hurts. Like this poster of shingles. Check out those other two just standing there holding hands while that other guy is obviously in some kind of pain. That just seems mean. Hell, I'm one of the first to laugh when someone falls but if they were all hunched over like that I'd be like "dude you ok? Cause if so you'd better stand your ass up and get that vine of spikes out of your back"
   
    Once I feel like I'm fully educated, I gander over to the jar of cotton balls. Why are they even in here? Have you ever, during your appointment, used a cotton ball? My guess is no, because they're mostly only used for taking blood after they poke you, which they don't do in the actual doctor office. My thoughts quickly jump to Will Ferrel in Elf, which makes me giggle...and cringe. Because I hate the feel and sound of cotton balls. It's just plain terrible.

   
    How about those tongue depressors? Those things are lots of fun, aren't they? Like giant popsicle sticks. I always think about licking all of them and putting them back into the jar, spreading my germs to all those unsuspecting patients. And to be fair, you can't consider me the evil one about that, because Jerry Seinfeld has forever engrained that idea into my head. Just as I'm about to reach for the tongue depressors, the doctor walks in. I give a look like this. :O Like a dog caught getting into the garbage.
   
    Does that sound anything like your visit to the doctor?

Wedding Bells Are Ringing

Beyond this post where I announced our engagement, and this post where I talked about going to Fort York for a tour as a potential wedding venue, I haven't spoken much about our wedding. And don't let that fool you into thinking we haven't been making progress. We are well enveloped in the planning process. And thankfully neither Brandon nor I have any interest in the big, fancy, stress-filled wedding, so it hasn't been as terrible as it could be. In fact, we're just about complete with all the planning.

Our wedding is going to have a vintage flair on the cheap. We didn't want to spend the average $25,000 on a one day event. Instead, we set our budget at $5,000-$6,000 and so far we're keeping right within it. Everyone says it can't be done, but I know it can be. So here we go!

Venue: picked & booked- our venue is an old farm house turned into an event venue, so it has the charm we want, with some indoor and outdoor space. We plan to get married outdoors, weather permitting of course, and host the reception indoors.  This venue already includes tables and chairs, a full service kitchen.  $500

Food: this was one of the biggest debates between us and family- we planned on renting our own BBQ's and having people we know BBQ a meal. It's now going to be a buffet style meal, still well within our budget. So all turned out well. $1650

Alcohol/Beverages: Juice, coffee and tea come included with our meal, but not everyone wants juice, coffee or tea. OK, not many people over 19 want those beverages, so of course we will have a bar. We've decided to give everyone 4 drink tickets (good for $4 drinks) and any further drinks are at their costs. $1600

DJ: thankfully a family friend knew a great DJ, whom we've seen "in action", so not only did we get a great rate, but also a great DJ $400

Dress & Accessories: the dress is picked and ordered. I can't say too much about it here because Brandon could check in and I'm apparently supposed to keep it a secret from him. But I can tell you it's short, has pockets, and a sweetheart neckline. I also got some great vintage shoes (damn you sales woman!), a bird cage veil and I had previously picked up some pearls for a great deal. $500

Cake: Brandon's sister has been known to make some great cakes for various anniversary & birthday parties along with a wedding. So, it just makes sense to have her construct one for us. While the design is still to be determined, we have decided it will be delicious. $0

Invitations: These have been designed by us, and executed by a friend of mine. We're just about done with the design, and we will be buying the materials from a local craft store to print ourselves. $50

Brandon's Attire: Simple and easy, he'll be wearing dress pants, a dress shirt and a paperboy hat he already owns, as seen in this picture. $100-150 still to be purchased

Rentals: We will need plates and serving dishes, some warmers for food and some chairs for the ceremony. This has still yet to be sourced concretely, however we're seeing a range of about $150-250

Rings: Still to be picked, we already know the jeweler we will use as it's a family contact who also did my engagement ring for a great price. We don't want to spend a lot of money here, so we're throwing around the $200-$300 range.

So there ya have it folks, the majority of the planning is complete. The above brings the current total to $5,400 so we are right where we want to be. With some room for incidentals or splurging we may not have accounted for.