Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

Modern Day Issues

Nowadays we have new struggles and they can be even more dire than B.T. (before technology). The biggest, and quite possibly the scariest, yet easiest mistake to make, is the accidental email or text. 

Let me explain. 


You're super pissed off with your friend and you heed your mother's advice and decide to write her a note. Except previously our parent's would have actually written the note. You know, with a pen and paper.
If you're young enough you'll know these items as ones you see in the movies, when they do a flashback. Or perhaps you've used a pen when signing a cheque.... nah you probably don't do that either.

Anyhow, instead of writing this note of frustration, you type it. Hitting each key with such force and conviction hoping your emotion is seeping through the screen. Except just like when our parens did such things, you never actually plan to send it. You're just writing it to make yourself feel better. You finish up, and just as you begin to feel better about the situaion, it happens. You hit the send button. All it took was one slight miss with a keystroke and it was done. Letter sent. A letter you never intended that friend to see, where you talk about her ugly dog and stupid neighbourhood, maybe her disfunctional family. Saying all the things you've ever thought, but would never dare say to her, or even out loud for that matter.

This particular situation hasn't happened to me, but I have sent some emails and texts too soon, or to the wrong person. One of my worst offences was when an old boss of mine called in sick...for the kagillionith (that's a number, right?) time. Fed up with the lack of leadership and sense of responsibility, I decided to text Jeff (my co-manager) about the surprise I felt inside when I received her phone call. However, you see, Jeff's name was directly above Jen's... aka my boss. And so as I typed out my message, "Surprise! she's sick again!" and then sent it, I was feeling grand about my snide remark that was likely to give Jeff a bit of a chuckle. So imagine my surprise when I received a phone call from Jen shortly following the sending of the message. 

"Oh hey Jen- what's going on?
Is that some kid of joke, Shannon?
I'm confused- joke? huh?
Shannon, the text message you sent me."

OH SHIT! 

I quickly check my phone and YUP, I sure did send that bitchy text to Jen instead of Jeff. Trying to come up with any sort of excuse was a failed attempt, because I wasn't prepared. Not that I would pride myself on lying, but really how do you manage your way out of that one? The answer is, you don't. You try to save face as much as possible and realize that your boss may have some trust issues with you in the future, and it's probably for the best if you move onto another job in the near future. Yes, that's exactly what I did. Not just because of that situation, but I wouldnt lie to you and tell you it didn't have some bearing on the decision. 

So, while we think we can all hide behind our computer and phone screens, just make sure you can back up any comments you may want to make. And as a smart individual always warned me, never print, type or write anything you don't want to see in tomorrow's newspaper headlines. Because you never know who could see it and decide to pass it along. Oh and youngins', a newspaper is this large printed thin paper that you read the news off of. You know, prior to the computer screen. 

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Overextended Holiday Decor

It's February everyone! Why are there still people in the neighbourhoods who continue to display their Christmas/holiday decor? Lights, wreaths, ribbons, window decals, poinsettias.... The list goes on. Don't think you're fooling anyone just because you're curtains are partially closed. Or that because your house isn't the first seen on the street. We all see how lazy you are to not have taken down your decorations.

Soon we'll be onto a new "holiday"- Valentine's Day. Are you going to tell me your red Christmas lights are for Valentine's Day? If so, I know you're lying. Don't try to pull that one over on me.

So a note to all you people who keep yourChristmas lights up all year- it doesn't just fit into your home and become invisible. I know you'd like to think it does.

So please, people of the surrounding neighbourhoods, take down your Christmas decorations both inside and out and move on to the new year with other great holidays.

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Parenting Advice for Kim & Kanye

If you haven't heard the news about Kanye and Kim, then their celebrity spotlight stint didn't work very well for them. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are pregnant. Well, technically it's Kim who's preggers, but he's (supposedly) the father.

            The results are in...and Kanye, you.... ARE the father!



We feel the same way Kanye.

In an effort to try and help a brotha' out (I'm honing in on my black side here), I thought I'd write down some tips to both Kanye and Kim about what they should and shouldn't teach their baby. Based on previous escapades, of course.

We know you're crazy Kim
  • You may up your street cred, but not your fan following, when you upstage someone and steal a microphone when they're accepting an award. Apologies that follow may be seen as forced celebrity manager "parenting".
  • Creating a show with all your family could make you famous...for simply doing nothing. However, as you gain popularity you also lose respect. 
  • Thinking you're great, and actually being great are very different. Make sure you choose the right option.
  • Sex tapes are never a good idea! But they do make your name a common one in the household.
  • People will laugh at you if you dare to compare Coldplay to The Beatles, stating Coldplay is just as good, or better, than The Beatles.  
  • Defaulting to a fashion "career" is only a good idea if you've gained all those sheep fans
  • Twitter can emphasize just how stupid you are- so be careful.
  • Don't get married (for the 2nd time) for it only to last 72 days. Because then you meet your baby-daddy and things get messy. It has publicity stunt failure written all over it!
  • K's are a popular letter in our families- get used to it
  • If you become famous, don't lie about things like your sister's paternity or tweets you've sent... Or just anything in general. 
  • Don't be friends with other airhead heiresses
  • You can sing about it, but just know...not everyone is a gold digger.
  • Lots of perfume lines won't make you seem more upscale...you'll just smell really strongly
  • Sometimes it's best to keep your mouth shut... In all aspects.
"Do you think they know how ridiculous we really are?"

Sunday, 26 August 2012

Today I Learned...


(I'm such a liar at the "Today I Learned" segments- I rarely learn these things that same day I'm writing, I should rename is "Recently I Learned")


That social media enables women to act crazy when they first begin to date a man.  And that most women in this day in age of social media, all act the same when they first start dating a boy.  This post, boys, is for you.  It goes a little something like this:


Me with my first computer
When we (I'm going to generalize us women here) go on our first date with you, we may, or may not, have added you to Facebook, followed you on Twitter, friended you on FourSquare, followed you on Pinterest (if you have it) or added you to my circle in Google+.  I'd say I would have checked out your MySpace page, but that was so 5 years ago!  Who knows, if I'm really interested I may check out your YouTube channel or your favourites to see what's going on there.  Basically in a nut shell, we'll have tracked you down in every possible way via the Internet.  If we can't find you on any of the more popular social media platforms we may ask you a question such as, "so weird, I was looking for my friend Joe Smith on Facebook the other day, and thought 'oh I should look up (insert man of interest's name here) while I'm online so we can be friends, but I couldn't find you.  It was probably just me, because you have Facebook right?"  This is our nonchalant way of asking you while trying to seem not quite interested (because clearly we didn't go online looking for you!) but just interested enough so you know we're into you.  If we're lucky enough, you don't have a private profile so we can see all your "dets" without adding you as a friend prematurely thus freaking you out.  We want to avoid this, and instead of, you know, NOT checking you out online, we just do it as covertly as possible.

Once we have found your online presence, we are going to scour your pages! And I mean, potentially, hours of time spent.  We always think we're going to find important information there- we're looking for likes/dislikes, exes, your posts, your friends and just generally what you're saying.  More specifically, have you mentioned me?  If we do find your exes, expect that we'll try to check them out as much as we can.  What do they look like?  What do they do?  What are their interests?  How did you guys converse?  And by no fault of theirs (or yours) we'll likely hate them immediately.  And in turn hate everything they like and try to never bring things like that up in our conversations.  When talking to our friends we'll find ourselves saying things like, "can you believe she had a cat?!  haha a cat!  What kind of people like cats? ugh".  (Then we'll give our mom's cat away.)

There are going to be things we see on your profile(s) we want to bring up to you, but don't really know how without showing you that we obviously spent hours researching you and your walls.  Posts like, "just graduated from high school and totally had a wicked time with that chick I met the other day".  Clearly, this post is at least (in my case) 7-10 years old.  Which means I have literally spent hours scrolling and reading through your wall.  How can I possibly bring up this "fun" event and discuss it with you without letting you know what I've done (which I know is excessive and, in essence, wrong)?

The answer is I can't.

But I will still call my friends and tell them the situation and ask them what to do.  I'll get one of two responses.  One is honest and the other isn't.  The first is the dishonest one, with the friend who wants to pretend she's better than me- or at least better than my behaviour- "OMG! you did what?  you're obsessed.  The answer is to stop doing this, and never mention it to him- ever!"  Ya, ok friend.  Thanks for the obvious advice.  We all know we shouldn't do this, but we all know we will anyway!

The second friend is going to try and be helpful.  We will keep calling friends until we find the "helpful" friend.  She's going to say something like, "haha you're crazy. OK, here's what you do... first start casually talking about highschool..."  She'll probably suggest asking you questions and hope that you open up with the story.  This never happens, or works- you guys never remember nor think to tell us about your old stories.  And although we know that, we're still going to try it anyway.  And you may react oddly and start to think we're crazy.  When this happens we'll simply laugh and brush it off, yet obsess about it for the rest of the night.  Most times, we will never get to the bottom of your mystery post.

Once we are more stably dating you, we will start posting "cute" things on your wall.  This is to achieve one of two (maybe both) things.  One: to show you we are truly interested in you and want you to know we're thinking about you.  Two: to show all the other people (read: women) who are perusing your wall(s), that we're dating you.  Basically, we're peeing on you (or your wall, I guess) to mark our territory.  But we'll deny this to the end of our relationship if anyone ever confronts us on it, and we'll just say it was option one.

We will also post things on our own wall(s) to try and elicit a reaction from you, or just get your attention in general.  Things we like will become more evident, in hopes you'll strike up a conversation about it next time we talk.  Or we may post about something you like, hoping you'll comment on it online- or offline.

what guys think we look like while on our computers

Basically what I'm saying here, is that women get crazy when we start to date someone.  And with social media paving the way to make it a smooth and easy ride for us, it's just going to get worse!

(Brandon, in case you're reading this... I never did these things.  Well, not really.)
Hold on, I'll be right back, gotta go tweet about this antique desk I just saw in hopes Brandon will notice it...

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

What your slippers really say about you

We've all heard them, "what does your dog's breed say about you?", "what the colour of your room means", "Want to find out just who you are?".  The quizzes that promise to tell you all about you!

Do you seriously need a silly magazine/online quiz to explain things?  I mean, sure, it's fun to do those things to waste some time when you're supposed to be doing dishes and cleaning the house.  But I wonder how many people are truly interested what their favourite brand of toothpaste really does say about them?  Are there people out there who actually give merit to these quizzes with, I'm sure, very little thought put into creating them?  I hope not.  But if you do, simply send 3 easy payments of $12.95 to me and I will send you a booklet full of them, and you can find out exactly who you really are...because I know.  Solely based on your choices.


How could anyone know anything about me based on my name?  I didn't pick it, my parents did- does this mean they knew I'd be stubborn and unstable?! Hmmmm...

Thursday, 26 July 2012

I'm as Loved as a Halo Mega Bloks Kit!

Can you believe how lucky I am?  Please read this MSN chat for further details...

Brandon says: omg please please watch this
http://www.blogger.com/goog_420970746
Shannon says: I'm watching- that thing is HUGE (that's what she said)

Brandon says: thats #1 on xmas list
Shannon says: can you imagine how long it would take you? your other one took like 5 hours!
find it online for sale
Brandon says: preorders are for august first, from toys r us
Shannon says: how much?

Brandon says: no idea lol

Shannon says: I'm sure like $300!

Brandon says: its not on websites yet, its available for pre order starting August first
Shannon says: an online forum speculates the suggested retail price to be 250 Euros! That's more than $300
Brandon says: I know I know- but its amazing

Shannon says: I didn't know you were this big into Halo haha it is pretty neat- but I imagine it's huge

Brandon says: look at it in front of the guy when the video is on, so awesome

Shannon says: yes yes I watched the video, is this the blog post inspiration?

Brandon says: no, i just thought that it was awesome...like...so awesome...ugh <3

Shannon says: you feel the same way about a Mega Bloks kit as you do me?! 

Brandon says: I cant describe how my much my heart hurts because I now yearn for that set...you should look it as I love you as much as I love Halo.. which is a whole bunch

Shannon says: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Brandon!

Brandon says: I'd choose you if I had to pick obviously but in this reality.. I do not have to pick so I love both

Shannon says: oh...well thanks for the bode of confidence  you're a total loser! 

Brandon says: I'm not- why do you say mean things like that?

Shannon says: because you told me you love me as much as a Halo Mega Bloks kit!!!

Brandon says: just please love me

Shannon says: I do! as much as I love my Macbook Pro!


Now do you know why I'm marrying him?!

Friday, 20 July 2012

Everything Past 25 Sucks!


I've never been one of those people who really cared too much about age.  I always thought getting older was much better than the alternative...death. So, I enjoyed birthdays and adding that extra number onto my age.  When I was young I was very proud of myself for being older, as though I had something to do with it.  And I guess to some extent, I did help keep me alive by being somewhat responsible and such.


Last year was a different story though.  Last year I turned 25. The big 2-5! I realize, when I'm much older I will look back and laugh at how ridiculous it is to be bothered by the number 25. But as a 20-something right now, in this moment, and even more so in that moment of turning 25... it's a big deal. 25 is "mid twenties" when your parents are describing the ages of their kids, it's like being an official adult (eww) and means new expectations are set out. All this sorta came looming down on me on the day of my birth last year, and it sucked!  Not to mention my actual celebration... I'm not sure you can call it that, was less than exciting, with me ending up being the DD (designated driver, not my boob size- sadly).

This year, was much different.  Brandon planned my surprise party and proposed to me.  Way better, right? Yup, until now. Now that more than a month has passed since I turned 26, it's becoming real. Guys I'm in my... mid to LATE twenties!!  What?! How did that happen?  Wasn't I just 3 years old- locking my babysitter (now one of my bridesmaids) in my child-lock equipped room?  Wasn't I 9 years old running a summer school program and bullying the neighbourhood kids into attending?  I could have sworn I was 18 and still enjoying driving so much I'd make any excuse to pick things up for my mom or friends. No?  Really? Are you sure?  Crap.


So, now that I'm 26, things about getting older are becoming more obvious.  And try as I may to ignore them, I simply can't.
  • your metabolism slows down: this one sucks big time!  No longer can I eat whatever crap I want without any repercussions.  In a year's time I have managed to gain almost 10 pounds... not a drastic amount, but enough on my small stature to notice. And I don't even eat a lot of crap- and the last few months (minus the odd snack or treat) I've been trying to eat healthy.  And I go to the gym- not as often as I should, mind you- but I go more than the average person I'd say.  You know, the ones that don't have a membership and stuff.  Anyway, Brandon's sister, who is 21, has this ridiculous body.  Ridiculous-good, not ridiculous- bad.  And I kind of hate her for it, because she can literally eat anything and stay her flat stomached self!
  • my body doesn't recover as well: Brandon tried to show me some new exercises at the gym, except they were, like, intense exercises!  He'll tell you they were basic... but really, who are you going to believe?  The next day, my body was in excruciating pain.  Yup... Excruciating! Before, you know, back when I was younger, I would have been ready to do it again the next day.  Heck, I probably wouldn't have found those exercises as hard.  I used to worked on farms for more than 10 years and never once was really sore from the work.  Stupid body.
  • my eyesight is getting worse:  I've been wearing glasses since I was in the second grade, and for a while, my prescription stayed the same, but for the last 5 years it's just gotten worse as time has gone on.  I'm fairly certain, one day when I'm 75, my glasses will be 3 inches thick... that is unless technology works in my favour and all the prescription portion of the glasses is within tiny, thin pieces of glass.  That, or Brandon is just going to have to be my eyes, while I take care of the hearing (since his is already basically gone)



I guess we can all be thankful that my mind is still in perfect, wonderful, working order!  ...right?



Thursday, 12 July 2012

So this feminist walks into a bar...

I’m not a feminist. I am a woman, just not a feminist. I believe in rights for everyone, any gender, any race, any sexual preference. You do what you’re gonna’ do and I’ll do what I’m gonna’ do. But when I saw on my Twitter feed this morning a tweet from one of the large Toronto news teams, saying that Saudi Arabia is allowing women athletes to attend the Olympics for the first time, I was shocked.


What?! I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, but I guess I just assumed all the countries of the world had jumped on the “women are equal” bandwagon. How self-centred of me. There are so many places around the world that don’t have equal rights for different members of the community, whether that be women, people of another skin colour, gays etc. Even here in North America, there are areas that don’t accept others. Look at all the work Ellen DeGeneres does for gay rights in California, and advocating for gay marriage. What does it really matter if 2 gay people want to get married to one another? How does it affect your life one way or another?

Recently, Anderson Cooper came “out” as gay. (For some reason I thought this was already common knowledge?) And, of course, media everywhere started covering the story. There were statements quoted by Anderson, opinion pieces, jokes… everyone spoke about it for a day…media news only lasts about a day if it’s popular these days. There was discussion whether he should have to come out to show he isn’t ashamed of his sexual orientation, whether he should be a spokesperson etc. What I don’t understand is, I don’t have to be a spokesperson for being straight. Being the celebrity that I am, I’m sure I would be the first to be asked if this were to happen. But it never would. Because straight is “normal”. I guess if celebrities feel it’s important to be a spokesperson for their belief, actions, or cause then that’s their prerogative. But I don’t understand why some people in the gay community think by him not coming out (publically) sooner, it meant he was ashamed or hiding it. So does that mean the fact we don’t hear much about Matt Damon or Steve Martin’s personal lives, they must be ashamed of being straight and the things they do? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

OK being all serious is boring… but seriously people, get your shit together and just let everyone be.